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Congress Gives Exxon a Tax Deduction for Oil Spill
In a rare bipartisan move yesterday, Congress approved a major tax deduction for Exxon Mobil Corp. for the company’s “impressive spectacle of an oil spill” last weekend in Mayflower, Arkansas. The...
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World Gives Cancer Two Thumbs Down
Movie fans and filmmakers everywhere were distraught today when they learned that Roger Ebert, the prolific film critic whose work has been steady and consistently outstanding for over 45 years, died...
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Congress Hopes to Set New Record Low Approval Rating This Year
Last year’s Congress, America’s 112th, had an average approval rating of 15% – the lowest ever recorded in Gallup’s 38 years of polling. The 113th Congress, which began its term in January, thinks it...
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World Continues to Treat Syrian Conflict Like a Sports Match
Washington, D.C. — Russian President Vladimir Putin was seen entering the White House earlier today carrying a 12-pack of Baltika and a giant foam finger with the word “Regime” on it. His visit marks...
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Panicked President Can’t Remember Where He Left His Key
“If anyone sees him, please let me know.” It was reported this morning that President Obama has lost his Air Force One pilot, John Key. He held a special meeting to confirm the report. The President,...
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Obama Sends Out Email Asking, “Anything Else?”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Members of more than 300 federal agencies and departments received an email from the President late last night with the subject line “Anything Else?” The body of the email, which...
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Tip-Offs About NSA Scandals Came From Obama
AMERICA, FKA LAND OF THE FREE — This week saw two revelations about the National Security Agency surface in succession. First, on Wednesday, The Guardian reported that the NSA has been collecting...
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As Healthcare Reform Nears, Millions of Americans Ask, “Health Insurance?”
President Obama’s signature healthcare reform, popularly known as Obamacare, will begin in less than six months. However, nearly 50 million uninsured Americans don’t understand the legislation – or,...
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Jay Carney Considers New Jobs at Kellogg’s, Priceline
Jay Carney counts down the hours until he’s free from the White House WASHINGTON, D.C. — Earlier today, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney confirmed rumors that he would soon leave the Obama...
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UN Publishes List of “Acceptable Ways to Kill People”
“Dropping victim off the top of the UN building” wasn’t included on either list, but is widely understood to be acceptable during non-business hours The United Nations held a conference today over the...
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